Written by Julie Taylor
Fear is a Big Factor in Trauma and Disability – Here’s How To Conqueror It…
Fear is a choice; you create fear in your own mind when you stop believing in yourself.
Wow… Tough words. Hard to accept. Especially when you have any sort of disability because this statement assumes that there is no real disability and that the mind – your mind – holds the key to it all. I hate when people tell me ‘it’s all in my mind’. Makes me want to tell them to go take a hike!
The truth? In disability – and any type of vulnerability or ‘difference’ – other people react to you. You have to deal with that and not only your own mind.
Yet I think there is truth in that statement? Somehow we have to tame the unknown. It is within our power and choice… We have to find control of the changes… We have to know when to ignore the kindly meant but often wrong advice. We have to find the courage to walk blindly into uncharted waters.
Easy? You’ve got to be kidding.
Life After Trauma: A Workbook for Healing by Dena Rosenbloom, Mary Beth Williams PhD and Barbara E. Watkins. “What makes an event traumatic?…” ReBuildingYou depends on your support to grow – BUY HERE – the prices are exactly the same, Amazon is a completely safe and trustworthy website and you’ll be supporting RBY at the same time. Thank you!
Learning and reading about other people’s experiences with their disabilities – and what ‘normal’ might look like now – is exactly what ReBuildingYou sets out to establish: A ‘New Normal‘, so life isn’t as scary and fearful as it may otherwise be now. Share with others howyou’ve managed to move forward with life, despite the difficulties. Read their words. See that there is hope.
When you say no to fear you say yes to hope and courage – both of which you probably need more than most people. You may be dealing with a new and fearful physical reality, not just ghosts in your mind. And these ghosts have more than enough power in their own right…
I love Hill Harper’s definition of FEAR; False, Evidence, Appearing, Real! We make fear real in our own minds.
Living your life in fear cuts you off from the abundance of ‘good’ available in the world. Fear generates negative energy – precious energy that you may not be able to afford to waste these days? (Fatigue is my biggest enemy) Negative energy that is created by you and can make life crazy or depressing or downright miserable and hopeless.
‘Reframe Your Life: Transforming Your Pain into Purpose’ by Stephen Arterburn. ReBuildingYou depends on your support to grow – BUY HERE –the prices are exactly the same and you’ll be supporting RBY at the same time. Thank you!
Courage lives in your heart, as do hope & faith. Connection with courage is blocked when embrace your own false beliefs. Your beliefs – in the case of a physical disability – need to be re-worked so that they are true. What you learned as the truth when you were a child may well not be reality now for you. And new reality and truth are almost always less scary than you dread them to be. Read the articles on this site and allow your mind to take in the thousands of ‘new possibilities’. See that there really is no ‘one way’… A very wise man named Sidney Crawford instilled in my mind ‘there are many ways to crack an egg’! Every way is just as ‘right’.
If you believe you can, you probably will; if you believe you can’t, you probably won’t. Fear makes you believe you can’t. Courage is truth & power.
I firmly believe that if I had accepted from my doctors that I would never walk again and stayed in my wheelchair, then that’s where I would be right now. I was lucky. Very lucky. My spinal cord wasn’t broken and the brain is ‘plastic’ and very able to rewire and find new ways to work. (The brain is where my most damaged areas were.)
It was easy for me to choose courage. I was supported by a wonderful man and surrounded by happy events in my life (as well as the difficult) such as a new marriage, birth of my fourth son and building a new home. I had sons that I loved – and who gave me their unconditional love in return – and I knew that I had to be as well as I could be in order to be their mother.
In retrospect, I would like to have somehow found the time to work on my own emotional growth, which was made very necessary by my new disability. In that way I could have been way more connected and successful as a parent. And as a person. But that’s in hindsight! My sons lives – and mine – would have been way, way easier and fuller. Even so…
Choose courage over fear!
If you possibly can, devote one hour a week to your personal growth. This is much more important than I ever realized and there really is no substitute for a good counsellor to do this work with (friends and family may very well become totally sick of listening to you!). Allow a couple of hours (at least) of time to mull over what you’re discovering with your own ‘wisdom tree’ (my place for contemplation). Personal growth is suddenly more urgent than ever before because you have to morph and cope with new demands because of your disability.
Having an urgent need of personal growth is just as true whether your trauma is physical or emotional… Your disability may be invisible – caused either by a brain injury or by purely emotional factors. All trauma is equally devastating and you may well need to ReBuild. It’s the emotional effect of your trauma, whatever that may look like, that cause the problems in coping and moving forward. It was the emotional effect of my brain injury, rather than the injury itself, that caused most of my problems.
Think Magic! Every now and then you may well be delighted by the odd magical happening – and even when nothing is happening, thinking ‘magic’ is always more fun!