26 June 2011 was a special day for me – It was my 54th birthday and definitely felt very middle aged! I also (finally) graduated from first-level parenting and embraced full adulthood status! A real adult at last! Yay!
I was playing with the idea of selling my house and buying a camper and suddenly everything just fell into place. The starts lined up… Whatever! Someone rang me about a great deal on an new/old motorhome – and I ended up buying it! I put my house on the market – just to see what it was worth and to try on the idea of selling it – and within a couple of days I had a firm offer! My cup runneth over (and I am scared out of my wits!).
What would I like to do next? What a question!
Well, I think I would like to travel for a couple of years. And write a book or two. And a create handful of websites based on what I’ve learned in life and offering that experience to others (somebody might want it?).
That’s my first thought but it leads to a kind of intuition that by stripping my life down to the fairly simple I will also be stretched? This might be good for me? I’ve always been a very curious person and I wonder what I might find?!
Back to reality… My sons are between 21 – 35 and all of them now in reasonable positions. Ready to take on the challenges life is bound to send to each one of them. As a parent I felt the duty – very strongly – to hand over to each of them the tools necessary to succeed at life. And for one reason and another, that took me longer than usual (whatever ‘usual’ is?) to be satisfied that I’d done that. Because my own journey had been difficult, this had affected my children. That was reality… And I guess how that is for most people?
I didn’t feel settled? My own past didn’t sit well with me. And I’m a great believer in doing whatever it is to find comfort in your own skin. I needed to ‘make the past right’ – for me. And for my own children. At the time, for some reason, I thought I could insulate my kids and that they would gloss over my traumas unscathed. Not so… They were all affected. Way more than I ever dreamed they would be. That’s a strong part of what drives me to learn more about myself and to write these pages.
Now, after many more years than I thought – although I wonder if parenting ever really ends when your child is 18 or 19? – I’m finally content. In a restless kind of a way (my reptilian brain?)! Content that I’ve done my best. None of us are completely out of the woods yet but we are well on the way, I hope!
It’s time, perhaps, for me? To travel and learn…