Abusive relationships and abuse are about power: forcibly taking power from one person for the gratification of another.
Abusive relationships. Abuse. It can happen to anyone. As a horrific crime. In the most seemingly loving of relationships. Or even by accident.
It’s not just wicked stepmothers out of fairy tales, evil stepfathers with a horrendous ‘other’ agenda or deranged psychopaths who are the abusers. Although theirs may be the most dramatic and ‘newsworthy’ stories.
Abusive relationships, significant and real abuse, also slip by us on a daily basis, without our even realizing it. In fact, I would say that the effects of unkindness, ignoring and other non-dramatic abuses, present in many abusive relationships, build up over the years, causing significant – even equal – effect.
Sadly the first abusive relationships we experience are sometimes from the very people who would instantly give their lives for us. Along with their sacrifice and endless love, parents certainly don’t mean to hurt us. In fact, they would never believe they could do such a thing.
This awful behaviour is not ‘in our genes’. It is simply learned. An adult experiences the pain of abuse as yesterday’s child and passes it on to today’s child. Our parents may have experienced less than perfect parenting from their parents, who may experiences abusive relationships from theirs, and so it passes on, from generation to generation.
Help us break the chain!
Through this part of the website, RecognizeAbuse, I hope to share with you the powerful knowledge I learned both from experience and with the Red Cross: know what is a loving relationship and what are abusive relationships. Choose how you want to live your life – and how to recognize abuse in a friend’s life.
As a counsellor I am honoured to be able to help others realize they can choose their path and set off on it. I am grateful my life is filled with purpose.
It has taken me a lifetime to better understand abuse – and I’m still open to learning daily. I am interested not only in what we understand as abuse but the sarcasm, neglect or unkindness that, especially when coming from a loved and trusted parent, can seriously affect a sensitive child. This is also abuse: insidious abuse: abusive relationships.
My hope is that after you read the articles on this website, you will recognize abuse easily, in others or in yourself. If you, or a friend of yours, need help, go to your school counsellor. There are also links to various hotlines here on this website.
a) Adult children (and children) of narcissistic parents need to heal so they can learn and pass on good parenting.
b) Invisible emotional abuse is present in so many ‘ordinary’ families: together we can stop it and be the loving parents we intend.
b) Explore obvious child abuse and the forms this abuse takes. We have a duty in law, every one of us, to report it so those suffering can be helped.
c) Understand and explore ‘elder abuse‘; ‘institutional abuse‘; ‘wife abuse‘; ‘husband abuse‘; ‘employee abuse‘ and other forms of abuse. In understanding abuse, we can break the chain.
d) Know what best to do when you see abuse and how to deal with it, legally (because every person in some countries has a legal duty to report it) and morally.
Use these pages to RecognizeAbuse and learn how to deal with it.
There are some tools available here:
- Teach about Abuse (free video presentation (coming soon) for schools and groups – register now to get your copy). Donations gratefully accepted to help create it.
- ConnectionCue™ cards. Understand yourself via CueCards and heal the wounds caused by any abuse. At any age.
- Counselling – Online or in-person counselling are invaluable parts of healing – access them on this website, through your doctor, locally to you or by internet.