“Rejecting is not acknowledging, believing or hearing the victim.
It is not supportive of the victim’s emotional growth and freedom to explore and make mistakes.
It is denying a victim’s worth and the legitimacy of their words.”
It is ‘put downs’…
Putting down a child, youth or adult’s worth or putting down their needs.
» constant criticism
» telling child/adult he/she is ugly
» yelling or swearing at the victim
» frequent belittling-use of labels such as “stupid”, “idiot” or ‘loser’
» constant demeaning jokes
» verbal humiliation
» constant teasing about person’s body type and/or weight
» expressing regret the person wasn’t born the opposite sex
» refusing hugs and loving gestures
» physical abandonment
» excluding child (or adult) from family activities
» treating an adolescent like she/he is a child
» expelling child (or adult) from family
» not allowing youth to make own reasonable choices
FACT: A U.S. study that randomly assigned rejection experiences to students found that rejection can dramatically reduce a person’s IQ and their ability to reason while increasing their aggression (Baumeister, 20021).FACT: The most insidious of the types of emotional abuse comes under rejection. Victims report that the most damaging statements a caregiver can say to a child or youth are: “I wish you’d never been born” or “I wish you were dead”.
Human beings are pack animals! Not a very attractive thought but true nevertheless. When a person – or animal – is excluded from their group, that is a harsh punishment indeed.
When a child – or adult – is rejected consistently, they begin to lose faith in what they feel, think or believe. They often become quite desperate and will do the bidding of the abuser in order to receive small amounts of attention.
As with all emotional abuse, rejecting can equally well apply to children or adults but with children the effect is particularly devastating because a child’s unformed psyche is particularly vulnerable to sustaining lasting emotional wounds.