Spousal abuse is actually about the abuser… It’s about previous experience, habit, insecurity, inadequacy.
Again, it’s about power. Power over the abused. Or a struggle for power or fear of losing power.
Spousal abuse can take many forms… In fact almost every form of abuse that’s on this website.
And at the end of the day remember, emotional abuse is what lasts and does the most, real damage.
Abuse is when someone larger, stronger or who enjoys a more powerful status – like an employer or teacher – hurts someone smaller, weaker and less powerful for the predator’s own gratification.
Often the abuser will insist that they committed this crime either because the abused wanted it, needed it or because they ‘deserved’ it. This is just an excuse, never a truth.
There may be reasons why a predator abuses others. But never excuses. There is no excuse…
Unfortunately most abusers have a history of being abused themselves. On the other hand, having been abused certainly does not mean that you will become an abuser. Absolutely not. If you do have a history of abuse, however, it’s a good idea to see a counsellor and give the whole topic some oxygen before you start a serious relationship.
The abused can equally well be male or female. In fact, certain kinds of abuse are more likely to be at the hands of a woman. In our society it is plain unfashionable for a male to complain of abuse at the hands of a woman: emotional, physical and let alone sexual. It is absolutely assumed that everymale would love sex at any time and with any woman. It’s assumed that if he becomes aroused – which is a purely physiological response and nothing to do with desire or intent – he is desiring of the abuse. It’s common for the authorities to shrug off and refuse to take note of a complaint by a man against a woman. Let alone a smaller and/or attractive woman.