Thank you Catherine for noticing – and caring – that I’d stopped blogging! I was exhausted after my weekend! I also had to get my accounts done. Not so fun and I covered her living room floor with piles of paper for days! I’m getting there – almost 100% complete.
The weather is changing and quite cold at night. Almost time to turn into a snowbird – however I still want to go to Abbotsford, Point Roberts and Calgary first?! It’s a bad habit of mine: cramming too much into my days and something I need to look at. Why do I do it? Hmmm?
Mostly the days have been gorgeous – although every time it clouds over or rains I panic that I’m ‘running behind’ – why are these my ghosts? Or that I ‘should’ be at home, in a ‘proper’ house – yet more ghosts and a ‘should’ at that… (Can you run behind when you have no real schedule? Hmm…)
On Saturday I went to an amazing workshop called ‘Write yourself home’ with June Swadron, an inspiring woman who has battled mental illness and who shares the wonderful success she’s had with others, helping them rise above their lives. Thanks Gill for thinking of me and signing me up. I really appreciate it – what a great gift, giving me a loving little shove in the right direction when I was stuck! Thank you!
What I learned was to write more from my heart and soul – rather than my head. I realized that yes, I do sense/feel/need… Of course. But I immediately convert it into cerebral ‘thoughts’? Instead of just staying there, in reality and in my writing. And experience and savour what’s happening – and the often exhilarating freedom that such expression brings. (Why would anyone want to live ‘less’?) Which fits well with what I want to do – which is to make sense of my own experiences by writing and sharing them. After I savour them – I mustn’t forget to savour them!
This also fits well with my #1 belief that the psyche motivates and drives all – including physical health. Brilliant!
There are days when I wonder what the heck I’m doing, making myself voluntarily homeless and living in a smelly old camper! When those panicky ghost feelings subside, I remember that this is an important part of what I need to do to stretch and discover ‘me’. And it’s working! As I strip away the ‘excess’, there are times – more and more as the days pass – when I’m simply overcome with the beauty and vulnerability of my surroundings. For a moment I see the ‘now’ in a sort of shapshot of experience. In the silliest, simplest things, sometimes.
For example, walking Oreo the other morning I stopped for a moment and chatted with a ten year old boy, hair slicked back with gel and wearing his brand-new, baby-blue-suede shoes… At 7am! He was so proud of those shoes (reminded me of my grandson) and his beautiful little puppy who was helping him deliver newspapers! Such enthusiasm and sweetness and newness. For a moment I was brimming over with emotion. Tragically, I was too busy to stop and notice those precious days with my own sons. Emotion gets caught in my chest when I walk by a young man wearing the same cologne as one of my sons or when I see a longboarder on the road or a group of boys giggling and sharing a joke. I never want life to be less precious and painfully beautiful than it is right now.
On Saturday night I treated myself to more dancing – salsa at Club Calli and jiving the night away at Red Hot Swing to the Flying Saucers – a great band playing great oldies to a lindy-hopping university crowd. Thank you Steve! You’re the best dance partner! Sunday and Monday were more magical days, walking by the ocean, shopping and going to Pilates, swimming and hot-tubbing with another girlfriend in her fabulous club. It was lovely spending time with you Marilyn – on your turf and without all the usual distractions around me. Thank you for a special weekend – it was perfect.
Now, here I am. In the parking lot of Walmart in Langford (my hat is off to Walmart managements everywhere – well, not Kamloops who are unwelcoming – but to most) finishing my accounts and thinking about buying a beautiful shiny bike!