For a while you may not want to ‘get on with your life’. This might be frustrating for others but in factnot wanting to ‘move on’ is very normal. Give yourself time.
How much time should you allow before Rebuilding Health? There really is no answer to this. It will ‘feel right’ when it’s time to poke your nose out from under your bedcovers. Every now and again, I agree you could ‘push’ yourself and just see how it feels. If it feels totally wrong, don’t do it. Be open to being able to move on at some point. Be kind to yourself.
Rebuilding yourself is similar whether you are rebuilding after a physical trauma or an emotional one. In fact, it’s usual for the heartbeat to quicken and for you to feel quite unsure when you first go back out into the world.
It’s important to pay attention to all 5 aspects of healing: the emotional, physical, joy, cognitive and financial aspects are all equally important to get back to good health.
Take care of your emotional health by talking to a counsellor, your pastor or your doctor. There may also be a Rebuilding group in your area.
Physical rebuilding is important and exercise (dance classes are great for men and women), walking, cycling, going to the gym, taking an aerobics class is important… Check out your local community centre and library. Take it slowly at first: chances are you’ve been hibernating for a while!
Rebuilding your health is very important and often changes your enthusiasm for everything else. In fact I would start on a regime of simple supplements straight away, while still grieving. It’s very easy to take a good daily multivitamin and the best ones are only available online. Whilst there are many available over-the-counter, these are often just as expensive and not as good as some of the wholesale lines. One of my favourite lines is Primal Force, which are excellent quality and easily absorbed and used by the body. Another excellent vitamin is Usana and both Quest and Jamieson are reasonable OTC brands. There is a vitamin bible that has tested hundreds of brands of vitamin and found that many do not dissolve and just result in expensive ‘bodily waste’.
As you start to take care of your body and exercise a little you will start to find joy in life again. I’m always amazed that we have ‘rules’ in society about which loss is ‘grieveworthy’. The loss of your partner, even after a very short time and whether or not you were legally married, is often as difficult to bear as a death. Joy will creep back into your life and in time you’ll notice the birds singing, sun shining and the smell of coffee without feeling ‘bah humbug’.
Learning about grief or an aspect of self-care – or in the case of physical trauma/disease, about the disease itself – is good thing to do. It enables you to ‘stay on the subject’ rather than try and ‘move yourself on’ (and you will feel resistance to that, even if it comes from you) and at the same time it broadens and opens your horizons.
The other aspect of grief/rebuilding is a financial one and it’s a good time to take some financial advice and make sure that you are getting all the financial support you are entitled to and that you are on track for building your RRSPs and other savings. Simply making a list of your responsibilities and paying your bills is important: there’s nothing worse than the interruption of your phone or electricity service at a time when you need peace and quiet.
In Rebuilding, Julie