…for Yourself and for Your Kids. What is a sacred space and how do you create one?
A sacred space is somewhere we can feel safe. Totally, comfortably safe. Where we feel safe enough to face whatever the world has to ask of us and to speak our most vulnerable thoughts. A truly safe space is rare but very, very precious.
I could sit on the end of my best friend Terri’s bed and talk for hours. Sometimes we would be crying with laughter. Sometimes sadness. It was always the place I longed to be when I felt vulnerable. I felt as though I could face the world so long as she was there to go back to. That was my sacred safe space and she was ‘my person’.
When my granddaughter was 9, she loved a cardboard box with her special possessions in it! Her idea of heaven was for me to squeeze myself in the box with her and whisper!
No Judgement. No Criticisms. No Advice
A sacred space is somewhere we know we will not be judged. Ever. We know that we will not be criticized. There will be no unsolicited advice. None. In fact, no advice unless it’s asked for – and even then, perhaps, none.
All of us, at any age, need a safe space to talk. And laugh. And sometimes cry. These are needs – as are the strength and courage to go off and face the world that comes from having that sacred space. For children, the lack of such a space, where they can feel absolutely safe and comfortable to talk, is even more important. The effect of not having such a space could be with them for many years and change their choices. Change their values. Change their dreams. Change the very course of their life.
ConnectionCue cards teach you about feelings and needs and ‘cue’ you and keep you on track. If you are an adult whose mind races at a million miles an hour, thinking rather than feeling, they will guide you to ‘smell the roses’. If you are an adult whose emotions often overwhelm them, they will help you feel grounded. If you are a quiet person and you feel (to be honest) kind of numb, they will guide you to reconnect with yourself, hopefully to ‘feel’ again. If you are a child or young person, it is a wonderful discovery that we all have the same needs and feelings, whoever we are. All of these feelings and needs have names and we each have a unique blueprint!
My wish is that parents know how important it is to create a sacred space at home for their children. I think this is the single most important thing any parent can do. That and share the CueCards with them, teaching them what needs and feelings are and exploring their individual blueprints. We need to create a safe physical space that is warm, dry, offers some privacy, comfort, beauty and good nutrition. We as parents also need to take responsibility in terms of not allowing the other people in that space – likely family – to shout, bully or be physically violent. Our job is many faceted, for sure.
One of the hardest jobs is silently listening and just ‘witnessing’ our child growing up, being their first ‘person’ and creating that safe space
One of the hardest things for a parent is to sit by, feeling helpless, watching their child suffer from depression. Far from being helpless, if you allow your kid to talk, you are helping your child to grow. Not only that but the simple act of listening lets a child know you find them worthy and good enough: worth listening to. Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs in the world. Bar none. It is also the most important job.
Sadly, society is uncomfortable with depression. It is something to be cajoled out of. To be swept under the rug. The truth is that depression can be very necessary on occasion. If something traumatic (big or small – don’t judge) has happened, we need time to sit with it. To just let it sink in. To be depressed. It is natures way to give us time to explore it, talk about it and wrestle with it till we find the answer. The answer for us. Depression isn’t always ‘bad’. Hard though it may be to see, we need to be able to listen, quietly and with compassion and without giving our own opinions.
Create a Safe Space: No Judgement, No Criticism and No Opinions
A sacred space is vital for us to feel safe in order that we can explore the world and grow. Even more importantly, we need to feel safe while we unload and express our feelings about something that has happened to us. If we don’t feel safe, we can’t talk about the feelings – all of the feelings. Ultimately we can’t explore a feeling or thought if we don’t feel safe to talk about it. There’s something magical about speaking our thoughts out loud to someone else? Or journalling. Feeling able to risk being vulnerable often results in magic happening. Feeling safe, a person may well, eventually, lead themselves out of depression. Without that safety, they may well be stuck in that sad and difficult depression.
For yourself, know that the idea of a safe space is real and important. We all need one. Find someone who is willing to be ‘your’ person. (Or your cat, dog or chicken!) If something is weighing on your mind, know that it is important, whatever it is and ask to see a counsellor. Most schools have a counsellor – no topic is ‘too silly’. And you will likely find support groups for every age in every community. If you need my help, you are welcome to contact me click here.
Thank you for reading this article! Julie